Negotiation Skills: Dealing with Difficult Tactics
By Chuck Doran and Vincent Lowney
During a difficult negotiation, it can be easy to dismiss the other side as unreasonable. Doing so makes it harder to focus on understanding the perspective and interests of the other party, and may lead us to throw our hands in the air and get frustrated. Instead of concluding they are impossible to deal with, we can focus on the difficult tactics they are using. Examining their behavior at this level allows us to understand their motives and plan an appropriate and effective response.
Difficult tactics can, for a variety of reasons, provoke strong emotions within us, and we have to be aware what tactics may push our particular buttons. When faced with difficult tactics, William Ury suggests the following five steps in his book Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations:
Don’t React
It is important not to have an immediate, potentially damaging knee-jerk reaction to whatever difficult tactic is being used. Instead, take the moment to “go the balcony” and attempt to gain perspective on how their actions are impacting you. This is also a good time to “name the game” by identifying the action the other party is taking. These tactics can often be grouped into three large categories: stonewalls, attacks, or tricks.
- Stonewalls: A refusal to budge. Endless delays and “final offers.”
- Attacks: Intimidation or pressure. Dire consequences unless you agree. Insults, bullying, or badgering.
- Tricks: Tricks play on your good nature. Examples such as manipulating data, lying about levels of decision-making authority, or last minute “add-ons” of requirements.
Check Your Understanding of Their Views
It is easy to react to a difficult tactic with confrontation. It can, however, be much more effective to instead disarm the other side by listening to what they have to say, acknowledging their emotions and the point they are making, and then emphasizing the points on which you can agree. This can have the effect of making them feel heard, as well as allowing you to demonstrate that both parties can work together to try to solve the problem.
Reframe To Change The Game
We can reframe the negotiation to deflect or subvert their impact. For example, a stonewall can be interpreted as an aspirational statement or goal as opposed to a be-all, end-all threat. If our counterpart says, “We have presented what we believe the contract is worth, and we won’t discuss the per unit cost anymore,” this can be responded to and reframed as “I understand your cost constraint, so keeping that mind, can we spend some time talking about delivery arrangements?” This reframing is an opportunity to keep the negotiation going and gain value using different criteria.
Similarly, personal attacks can be reinterpreted as an attack on the joint problem as opposed to an attack on an individual. If someone says, “You’re being unreasonable,” you can respond and reframe by saying, “So you don’t see my point of view as reasonable. What would be reasonable for you?”
And finally, tricks can be defused through probing questions and reasonable requests. If the other party is using difficult tactics, negotiate with one another about the rules of your negotiation. Being straightforward and naming what you see allows you to diffuse the tactic and identify how you want to move forward. For example, you might say, “The focus of the conversation right now seems to be on demands. It might be helpful for each of us to better understand what is motivating those demands. What is most important to you in this deal?”
Elicit their Ideas
When we are frustrated, it is easy to present the “perfect” answer and attempt to push the other side to say yes to it. Instead, we want to make it easy – and desirable – for the other side to say yes. Include them in the process by asking for and building upon their ideas, and give them a chance to save face if they must contradict their previous position.
For example, as opposed to presenting the perfect answer as a fait accompli, instead strive to generate a slate of options that all have equal value to you but will allow the other party to express their preferences. Additionally, solicit their input, even if you believe you have presented the answer. Open-ended questions such as “What are your thoughts?” are very powerful. Parties who feel they have had a role in generating the outcome will be more bought in to seeing the agreement through.
Use Power To Educate on Costs of No Deal
The use of power, or the ability to coerce the other side into acquiescing to your position, can seem like the easy answer during a negotiation. Once you try to force someone into something, you are then presented with the power paradox described by William Ury: “The harder you make it for them to say no, the harder you make it for them to say yes.” In these cases, agreeing feels like defeat.
To circumvent this trap, there are other ways to use power at the table. Begin by asking reality-testing questions and allowing the other side to understand the drawbacks of not reaching a deal. Frame these consequences as warnings, not threats. A warning can be respectful and objective, while a threat will appear subjective and confrontational. It can also be powerful to demonstrate your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and willingness to walk away. Continuing to negotiate with a party when you have demonstrated that you aren’t required to is especially impactful.
These steps are all tools that can be used to neutralize difficult negotiation tactics, without castigating the other party as unreasonable. While difficult tactics are part of some negotiations, identifying and defusing these actions will enable you and your negotiation counterpart to work together to find win-win solutions.
To learn more about dealing with difficult tactics in your negotiations, contact Chuck Doran, Executive Director, at 617-895-4026 or cdoran@mwi.org. You can also visit mwi.org/negotiation for more information about how MWI’s negotiation workshops can help improve your negotiation skills.
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